Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
