How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
