the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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