Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
