i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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