I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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