He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
