i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
it's like iHOP with fire
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
