Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
