Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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