He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
