We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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