First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
