I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
