So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
