I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
