i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
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