I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
there was a trapeze. enough said
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
