I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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