someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
