So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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