I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
