There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
