we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm like, not good at living.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
