There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
