so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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