so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
