good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
