You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
