Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
