Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
