There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
