i may or may not be watching the land before time
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
