I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
