this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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