I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
