I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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