So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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