Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
