So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
