i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
