I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
