dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
