He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
