I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
