why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
it glows. i had to have it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
