Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
