You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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