you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
