ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize