i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
