He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
