just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I am naked and annoyed.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
