i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
