Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
