You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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