I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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