My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
