Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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