wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
