I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
