So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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