Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize