over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
