Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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