I cut my penus on the lid.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
