Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
