gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize