I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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