Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The Olympian is in my bed
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
