this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
