Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
