I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
