Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
