You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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