rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
