great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
that is very illegal...i love you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize